Hi, friends. Welcome to the Life with Loverly podcast. I’m Brittany, a wife, mom, and lifestyle entrepreneur here to help you discover your best daily style and encourage you to try new things when getting dressed each day. I took a tiny following on social media and turned it into a community of over one million amazing women, and I am so glad you’re here. I’ll be sharing my heart with you beyond the 15 seconds on Instagram, so we’ll be diving into things like personal growth, friendships, motherhood, marriage, and of course, the business of blogging. Really, this space is here to serve as your go-to resource to building a life you adore while sprinkling some kindness to others along the way. Grab an iced coffee and let’s do life together. I’m Brittany, and this is the Life With Loverly podcast. Hi, friends. Welcome back to the Life With Loverly Podcast. Today’s guest is someone I know you’re going to adore. Kate Strickler, the creator behind NapTimeKitchen. She’s a mom of four, master of intentional living, and author of I Just Wish I Had a Bigger Kitchen and Other Lies I Think Will Make Me Happy. Kate is known for her honest, relatable approach to motherhood, her time-saving kitchen hacks, and the way she brings calm to everyday chaos. Today, we’re chatting about motherhood, friendship, social media, the wild ride of building something from scratch, and of course, her favorite easy recipes. Here’s my conversation with Kate Strickler. Hi, friends. Welcome back to today’s episode of the Life With Loverly Podcast. I think my sister-in-law is the person who is so excited to have Kate of NapTimeKitchen on with me today. Hey, Kate.

Hello. Thank you for having me.

I text my sister-in-law after. She’s actually the one that turned me onto you. And I texted her after this interview got confirmed and it was like, I’m giving you one guess of whose I’m interviewing, and you were her first guest, and she was freaking out, was like, “Can I come? This is so amazing.”

Oh my gosh.

We’ve got one really big listener and follower that will be so excited to hear about this today.

Well, I’m happy to be here. I’m flattered.

Yeah, it’s going to be really great. Some of these questions and just things I want to chat about, I’m thinking our listeners and followers will just love to do a little deep dive and get to know you a little bit more. Okay, so in your book, you describe your account in the book as if an episode of Big Brother got together with the cooking channel and made some sort of crazy hybrid show centered around a person with zero credentials, this would be you.

Yes, that’s how I feel.

Okay. This is very iconic. So take us back to the beginning, the apartment in Durham. Tell us about how you landed this apartment with your husband.

Yeah, so we lived in a duplex and we got to live in a really cool part. We were super close to Duke University, walking distance. And we got it because a friend’s mom had been a developer on the project. They were super old, very old. And we agreed to mow all the lawns for the entire complex in exchange for a discount on our rent. So we paid $500. Oh my gosh. And every weekend we weeded and we had a rider mower and a push mower and would do the lawn care for the apartments. But the rent was cheap and we were in a super cool location and it was very character building for us.

No kidding. Oh my gosh, that’s so funny. Do you ever look back at that with your husband and you’re like, “Was that a good idea? What were we doing?”

It was such a fun phase of life, especially it’s like you’re so excited when you have children, but then you’re like, “Golly, remember that season where we didn’t have them? We just had fun.” And it really was a super fun. And that’s where we actually brought our first child home. We got a dog, so that apartment complex was special for us.

A lot of firsts.

Yes, a lot of firsts.

I was talking with a friend the other night and she was like, “Do you remember before kids, if you went out the night before and then the next day you could just lay in bed until 12 if you wanted and nobody needed you.” She was like, “I really miss that. I really wish I could have done that this weekend.”

Yes.

Yeah, I do get that.

Yes.

It’s just so funny. It was in that season that you started NapTimeKitchen. What planted the seed to start sharing online?

So at this time, Instagram was still. I had an Instagram, but I remember getting Instagram right when I graduated college, which makes me feel so old. I’m 36 for anyone listening. Same. And I remember getting an Instagram after college. And so at this time, I’m mainly posting pictures. At this point, we have our first child, so I’m posting like, “Oh, he’s a month old,” and memories. And then I started to cook a lot more, namely because I was bored at home. My child was napping twice a day. I’m stuck in this little duplex, and so I was making pretty elaborate meals. And so I personally just felt like, okay, I have this account that is pictures of my son and all these memories, and I feel kind of weird posting food photos, so I’m just going to start a separate account. And I remember talking on the phone with my friend Molly and being like. It was not supposed to be anything. It just was just this side account where I was going to post food and being like, okay, I think I’ll call it NapTimeKitchen because while the baby sleeps, I cook. That was kind of the whole shtick. But if people were making money online, I was not aware of it. I really don’t think it. Instagram was not this big thing that people were monetizing. Instagram stories didn’t exist. No. And so it really was just this kind of fun hobby where I would post recipes that I was making.

I mean, I remember you would have to put all the information in the caption. Yes. It was like people would read a novel in the caption and there would just be one photo. There was no carousels. It was like, this is the picture and here is the long caption about whatever it is. It’s funny just to think how crazy how much things have changed since then.

Yes. Every so often I’ll make my lunch and walk outside into the natural light and take a picture and be like, “I can’t believe this is all I used to have to do.” It was so easy. One photo of my plate done.

That’s it.

Yes.

So what types of things or lessons from your mom were unexpectedly resonating with others?

So I think pretty early on, I realized that a lot of what my mom had either just taught me or I would come into the kitchen, and to this day, my mom will be grating a bunch of ginger because she’s going to freeze it in little portions so that when she makes a recipe later that calls for fresh ginger, she has fresh ginger grade it. She would do things like that in bulk. She would roast a ton of garlic and then freeze it in tablespoon portions to have this delicious roasted garlic. So just little things where. And she would always make double of something and freeze one. And so just a lot of I’m going to work smarter, not harder. And I started to realize that when I would say things like that, people would be like, “How did you know to do that?” Or, “What made you think to do that?” And to me, I was like, “It’s just the way my mom did it.”

Yeah.

And she is always in the kitchen to this day. If I come home, she’s normally doing something in the kitchen. She almost always has the Food Network on the TV. It just is

Part of her.

Who she is. Yes. Yes.

It’s so funny, little things like that that you just are like, “This is just what I do now that you’ve picked up from your parents.” There’s things like that that I do, and I’m like, “I am literally my mom. I can’t believe I just said that or did that.” And that’s just from growing up around somebody doing those things all the time.

Yes. To us, Brittany, it’s when you just put together an outfit and we’re like, “How did she know the shoes? But how did she know what shoes to pick?” And you’re like, “I just know how to –

I just did. I don’t know.

There’s a lot of us out here that are just struggling with the shoes.

I’ll get you dressed and you help me feed my family. This is going to work out great.” So were you surprised at the growth that you started to have once NapTimeKitchen really started taking off?

Yes and no. No, because it really wasn’t fast. It was a very slow. I’d been asked like, “Okay, I want to start an Instagram account. How do I grow?” And I’m like, “Honestly, I don’t know. I did it for two years before I had 10,000 people following.” And content didn’t seem to go. I don’t know if viral was even a thing because there weren’t reels. So virality didn’t – It didn’t really wasn’t a thing. Seem like it was a thing. It was just this really slow, just trudging along. And then eventually it did start to pick up. And there was this moment of like, oh gosh, okay, a lot more people are following me now. And probably some fear of like, okay, I can’t just crack a joke that my old audience would’ve totally understood she’s being sarcastic. Now all of a sudden I’m like, okay, people that don’t know me as well are following me. I can’t say something that would maybe be offensive. Not that I’m super offensive, but just kind of like, okay. For a while it was like my cousins and my aunts. That was my following. And then the people that they were telling. So it almost felt like everybody that followed me for a while, somebody in my family had recruited them. But then eventually it was like, oh no, these are just people that don’t know me, and so I need to be more aware of how I’m acting.

Right. I get that. There’s times I’m like, I’m actually kind of funny, but I feel like people don’t really know it until they know me because it’s undercover funny, but I don’t really do that on the internet because it’s mostly sarcasm and people wouldn’t think a lot of it’s funny. I don’t know. But then you get to know me and I’m cracking jokes. Yes. Yeah. But I get that. There’s definitely a sensory kind of you got to work through.

You got to be aware. You got to be aware for sure. You learn when you do it wrong and then you’re like, “Oh, okay.”

Yeah, and they tell you –

Did not know.

They let you know you did it wrong.

That was going to be offensive.

Yeah.

But I’m sorry. So yes, yes.

Okay. So you have a book coming out and just pulling back the curtain a little bit more on what we see on socials, it includes 10 chapters of I just wish. Statements and how they are keeping us from contentment. I love to chat about some of those because there were definitely some topics that I can relate to. So in motherhood, I just wish I was a better mom. I feel like it’s such an easy thing for us to compare other moms to ourselves and let comparison creep into motherhood. Is this something that you’ve ever experienced?

Never. I’ve never experienced it.

Yeah, you’re the perfect mom, right? That’s what I thought.

Oh my gosh, all the time. It’s funny how it comes up in different seasons. New mom, you’re so much like, “Okay, well, my baby’s not sleeping through the night. Am I physically feeding my baby enough? And now I’m more like, am I emotionally and spiritually feeding my children like I should?” Unfortunately, I feel like it kind of never ends in terms of what that comparison can look like. And then I think that the internet, in a huge pro, if you had a child that was miserably struggling with eczema and you’ve already tried gluten-free and dairy-free, you could go online and find other moms that were like, “I’m in the same boat. We tried the same things. Here’s what’s worked for us.” Where maybe in your circle of life, you didn’t have that. So it widened your ability to see other moms.

Totally.

And then on the negative, it widened your ability to see other moms. So you’re also like, oh my gosh, this mom is doing this incredible job making homemade food, and this mom has an absolutely rocking bod. And I’m just still trying to brush my teeth in the morning. So I think it gave us a ton of connection. And then also with connection, I think you just have the ability to compare.

Yeah.

Well, and I mean, in seasons too, right now my kids are in daycare. Well, they’re in school in the school year, but now they’re back in a daycare situation. It’s not even camp, it’s just back to the preschool they went to. And they’re like, I kind of feel bad because all their friends are doing these camps or their moms are stay at home and they’re doing all these fun things. And I feel this sense of, am I a bad mom because I have to work and I’ve got to send them to an all-day place or whatever. And so it’s so easy to just sit in that and be like, oh. But

Yeah.

I think you always have to think of if you look at something that way, it’s also helpful to give a pro about maybe what you’re doing that somebody else isn’t doing.

Yeah. It’s so interesting too, because I feel like this was very hard for me. For the longest time, NapTimeKitchen, I really could say it was a hobby. And then as it slowly crept into being more of a career, it’s almost like that happened. And then I was like, oh my gosh, I’m a working mom. Okay, how do I feel about that? What do I think about that? And my mom hadn’t worked, and it’s a huge privilege that she didn’t. And so it was really healthy for me to talk to friends whose moms did work and to just realize they were like, “Yeah, she was my mom and she worked.” It wasn’t like –

Didn’t even cross their mind, right?

No. And a lot of them work because they’re moms. They’re like, “That’s the way my life was.” And so for me, it was like, okay, I didn’t have that modeled to me, so I need to talk to some people who had super normal, healthy working parents. Because I was like, “Well, what does this mean? What do I think motherhood is? And how does this fit into the paradigm of what I think it should be?”

It’s funny, I was interviewing somebody else before this podcast, and she was telling me that she left her nine to five corporate job because she wanted to stay home with her kids. And to allow her to do that, she started sharing outfits online. And now she runs a business and has employees. And I’m like, “Isn’t it funny how you wanted to leave this job to be a stay-at-home mom, but you’ve now created a business and now you’re back to being a working mom, but it feels different because you create the parameters around that.” But I feel like sometimes there can be that overlap where it’s like, “Well, I want to stay home, but I need to do this side hustle.” And then it grows into a business and you’re like, “Wait, now I’m back to being a working mom.”

Yeah. And I feel like in my real life, I have friends that work, that love it, work and wish they didn’t, stay at home and wish they didn’t and stay at home and love it. It just doesn’t feel. I think that we desperately want there to be this perfect situation where you always love your job and have this perfect. It’s really balanced probably is what we’re hoping for. Totally. But there just isn’t this perfect definition of what that should look like. But I definitely like you, especially when I first started taking on more with NapTime Kitchen was just like, wait a minute. Oh gosh, am I going to regret this? So many fears around regret and those, you only get 18 summers and me being like, “This is the worst decision I’ve ever made.”

I totally get that. Okay, so you share three powerful questions that you ask yourself to reset. Can you walk us through those?

Yeah. So this is in the chapter, I wish I was a good mom. I just talk about some questions that I ask myself when I see myself comparing to another mom. And the questions are, is she in a different season of life than I am? Does she have outside help? And do we have the same values? So the season of life one is just pretty easy because sometimes I think about this so much with exercise. There were seasons where I had a child, I was either nursing or just a toddler that’s not sleeping well. So if I’m looking at a count of someone who’s waking up at 5:00 AM to exercise, I’m like, “We are not in the same season of life. I cannot physically wake up at 5:00 AM right now to exercise. It’s just not going to happen.” And so it’s funny because now I do wake up in the morning and when I share online, I try and always remind people, “By the way, all my kids are sleeping through the night.” Because if your kids aren’t, that’s just automatically you’re on a different playing field. And then the help one, I actually have found to be difficult because I think I feel this way. It is hard online to share if you have outside help because it can very quickly feel like, “Hey, look at me. Look at all I have. Hey, guess what? I have a cleaning lady or I have a nanny,” or whatever you have. You want people to know because you want them to know you’re not doing it all. But it also can feel like bragging. I don’t know if that’s the right word, but just kind of like, “I have all this.” So I think that especially for women, it’s just a very difficult line of, “I want you to know that I’m not doing this by myself, but I also don’t want to shove it in your face that somebody’s helping me.”

I agree. I’ve struggled with that because people will ask, “How do you do it all?” And I’m like, “I have a lot of help behind the scenes that y’all don’t even know about.” And it’s not to brag, but it’s just to be like, “I know I can’t do it all. So here are the things I can do. Here are the things I’m going to have to send out.”

And I don’t have an answer. I don’t have an answer. I thought about it and wrote about it in the book of I still don’t know what is the best way for women to have a posture of humility, but be like, “I have help.” Some people do it really well. And then the third question was, do we have the same values? And this one is always helpful for me because there’s some things that I’ll see someone doing, and then I’ll check myself and be like, “I actually don’t care to do that.” For me, homesteading is kind of one where I’m like, “I just actually don’t have any desire to have chickens or make bread. It’s just none.”

I’m not, I’m not feeling it.

And so I think those things are amazing, but if I watch something and then I’m like, “Man, I should be doing that.” It’s like, actually, I don’t have a desire to do those things. So if you see an account that’s incredible with homeschooling and you’re like, “But I actually don’t want to do that.” Or crafty. And you’re like, “I actually don’t want to be crafty.” Whatever. It could even be something like exercise or style or something where you’re like, “You know what? I actually don’t care that much about that level of exercise.” But just being able to be like, “That’s just not a high value for me, and so I don’t need to compare myself in that way.”

I almost feel like of these three questions, if you needed even a quick reset, number three is like, “Do I have the same values as them?” That can almost quickly be like, “Oh, you’re right. Hold on. No, moving on.” Because I think that’s also such an important one. I’ve talked some in the past just about setting up family values and really figuring out what those might be. And then you can really be secure in what your family is doing and what you guys value. So some of that other things you might consume doesn’t have to muddy those waters for you.

Yes, I completely agree.

Okay. You talk in the book about instead of focusing only on who I am in motherhood, I want to focus on who I am as a person. Can you dive further into this and how you apply this into your life?

Yeah. So I think in a large way for me, this takes a lot of the pressure off of how am I going to show up in this moment of motherhood? And more is just like, who do I want? It kind of goes back to that value question of who do I want to be? Instead of being like, how can I be a patient mother? I’m just like, how can I be a patient person? If I feel rushed in motherhood, I’m probably feeling rushed in life. So it’s more just dialing back who is Kate and who is Kate before God? Who does God say that Kate is? Because that’s outside of motherhood. Motherhood is a piece of that. But I guess I don’t want to have my Lord willing have my children leave the home and then me be like, who am I? It’s more like, who am I? And then how am I letting myself as mother be a part of that, but not feeling like my motherhood is separate from just these characteristics that I just want to be as a person, not so directly tied to I have to prove that in some way in motherhood, if that makes sense.

It kind of reminds me of you and your husband need to be a joined force. And it’s like you put each other first and then you put your kids first because like you said, you don’t want your kids to leave the nest and then you be like, wait, who am I? But same goes with your relationship. And I think pouring into yourself and doing things that are important to you is then going to in turn help you be a better mom or better person or a better whatever.

Yeah.

But I think It’s so easy sometimes as a mom to forget about that or you’re so in the trenches that it’s like, oh yeah, this isn’t what I’m wanting to be or who I’m wanting to be in all these things.

Yeah. I know. I think motherhood is so incredible, but it’s like you cannot let it be this thing that so consumes you that you’re like, “This is all I am.” And your kids don’t need that from you either. I think that if it’s this all-consuming, this is all I am, then you’re putting a lot of pressure on your kids too, as you are my life. And not to demean it at all. I really hope that it’s not coming across that way because it is so important to me, but I don’t want it to be the only thing about me maybe is.

I get that. I think that’s relatable too.

So I don’t want that to be my. I want my core identity to be who God says I am and who Kate is. And then motherhood comes from that. But motherhood is not my only identity.

Yeah. No, I love that. Okay. So as your children have gotten older, what has surprised you the most about how motherhood has evolved?

I don’t know if surprised, but I think I’m like, nobody knows what we’re doing. I’m talking to friends and everyone’s like, “I don’t know.” Somebody’s child is having a hard time attitude talking back and the rest of us are like, “Yeah, I’m not really sure. I’m really sure. But mine is doing this.” Just this feeling of, I think early on, I really believed, especially because babies can be so easy to manipulate to a degree where you’re like, “Okay, if I put you down for your nap.” But then my fourth, I write about this in the book, my fourth child just completely killed me, knocked me to the ground and was like, “Everything you thought you knew, I’m going to just destroy you.” She was so hard.

You’re like, “Huh?”

I do think early on you’re like, “I’m going to do moms on call. I’m going to follow the schedule. Eat, wake, sleep, everything’s going to go.” And now it’s just so much more like, “Actually, I’m not sure how I should respond right now. Should I be gracious? Should I be upset? Am I ruining that?” I think the realization is just like, we don’t know. We don’t know. I told my son yesterday, I said, “Hey,” I had done something. I had been really harsh with him about, he was helping me make macaroni. He’s poured the macaroni into the water while it was still boiling the cheese pouch prior to draining the pasta. That’s a lesson you got to learn at some point, I guess. But I was just short with him about it. And then I was like, “Hey, I am so sorry I was short with you.This is my first time being a mom.” And he kind of looked at me and he was like, “Isn’t that true for everybody?” But I was like, “Yeah, it is, but it’s true. It’s my first time.” It’s still a fact. I mean, I only get to do it once, but it’s still my first time. And just giving myself that grace of, I’m so sorry. So apologizing often is where we’re at.

It’s definitely interesting. My kids will say stuff and I’m like, “Oh, I guess I have to teach you that. I need to tell you how to do that. You didn’t just come here knowing it. Okay, in your chapter, I just wish I had more time. I feel like every working mom can relate to the worry. Will my kids remember me always busy? Is this something that you wrestle with?”

Yes. I am like a productivity vacuum, I would say. My husband is constantly. I’ll be stressed and he’s like, “Why are you doing…” He’s like, “No one is putting this on you but you. It is on me. It’s like, I’ll just throw another project in there. Not even a work project. It’s just like, I’ll decide this is the moment to clean out the cabinets.” And he’s like, “Why?” And I think it is probably a need therapy, some sort of defense mechanism that I don’t want to sit still and think I’d rather just be busy.

Keep it going.

So they see me busy a lot. And we’re actually going to take a family trip next week. And my hope is to really just try and distance myself, not only from my phone, but just from. I think if I’m outside of the house, I will be outside of the environment where I can always find something to do at my house, but I’m not going to organize and Airbnbs will watch me. Hopefully I won’t, but kind of pull me out of and allow me to slow down with them.

Yeah, I know. I also think they just know what they know. What’s your Enneagram? Have you ever figured out what number you are?

I am a three.

Yeah.

I desperately want to be a seven, and I have a lot of seven tendencies, but I think a three in health acts like a seven.

Yeah.

So I’ve got that going for me.

That’s true. But the three, when you were talking about just procrastinating and constantly putting projects on your plate, I mean, my husband will always be like, “Why is it that we have to have six projects running at the same time that aren’t related to anything? One might be a house renovation.” And I’m like, “That just feels like how I need to operate in this level of insanity that doesn’t make sense to anybody else. That’s where I need to live.” He’s like, “We don’t need to do that.”

I know, but it is. I think when I start to slow down, it does. It takes me a long time to feel comfortable and not be like, “Okay, what could I be doing? What could I be doing?”

A friend of mine over the weekend, she was like, “A lot of times we ask We are talking to God and we’re asking him, “I want this or I’m praying for this.” Or you’re asking him for things, you’re talking to him about things. But when’s the last time you just went outside and sat on a chair and just listened? What if he’s just trying to tell you something in the peace and quiet? What if you just listened more without having a book in your hand or your phone? What if you just gave him that opportunity to speak to you because you were listening? And I’ve been thinking about that so much over the last few days because I’m like, yeah, I mean, I’ve asked for some things and I would love to just listen, but I haven’t been. And I think that is going to be something that’s hopefully going to help me just not kind of pull back up some of those tendencies I would normally go for.

Ooh, I like that. Maybe I’ll try that on my trip.

Exactly. There you go.

Yeah.

Okay. So you shifted from productivity to presence, focusing more on how time feels than what’s getting done. Can you talk to me a little bit more about that?

Yeah. I write in the book, I had this a few summers back, I really pulled back on working for a month, mainly because I was in a spiral of burnout. And over that few week period, I just did some things that felt very purposeful. And one of them was so silly, but I had gotten a new cookbook. It was Gobby Dawkins cookbook and it had this nutella pie in it. And I was like, “I’m going to make that pie.” And it was labor intensive. You make the pie crust, so you have to pulverize the Oreos to make the Oreo pie crust, and then you need to bake it, but it needs to sit before you put the. It was many steps. But when the pie was done, I remember eating it and being like, it’s almost like I could taste the fruit of my labor. I was like, “This is so enjoyable because of the time it took versus going to the store and buying a frozen Oreo pie and taking a bite of it.” I could almost taste how enjoyable it was because of the process. And it just got me thinking about how many other things could I enjoy so much more if I was slowing down in them? And so I don’t know. I read, I don’t read nearly as many books as the average person probably, but even just the thought of what if I just read because I enjoy reading? Not because I want to get through 15 books this summer. But it’s like if I get through three or if I get through 15, it’s more just like when I have a moment, I’m going to read. Not to get through the books, but just to be wrapped in a story. And share a story. And just these, what if it wasn’t so much about putting it on the list or getting it done or just –

You could just enjoy it.

Yeah. And when I am very healthy, I notice that I do that in the kitchen. I will just pick something and be like, “Oh, that recipe looks good. I’m going to make it.” And when I’m unhealthy, I’m like, “Oh, who has the time? How could I ever? Must be nice.” And then that’s where Nate is like, “Hey, you actually can. You could make this for your job if you wanted to because it is your job, you silly girl.” But just like.

You’re like, “Oh, okay. So maybe it’s not even about the recipe. Hold on. Let me go do a walk around outside real quick.”

I need to go sit on that chair in the quiet that you were talking about.

Literally.

Yeah.

That’s funny. How do you guide your kids to understand time management and busyness?

It’s funny, I was talking with Emily Lay recently, and this big thing that I realized is that, and I think this kind of goes back to being a good mom and am I a good mom, but I’m also a working mom, is it’s probably. I had this epiphany when we were talking and I was like, “It’s actually probably not healthy for my kids to see me be a working mom, but also always available to them,” which is what I want to be. Because I’m like, “That is an awful standard for my daughters to live under to then become a mom and think I am going to be a mom who works and also is at all the practices, all the recitals, the field trip mom, the room mom.” I’m like, “What an awful standard to put.” So it was weird when I though about my daughters living under that standard, I was like, “Oh, I do not want that for them.” And then I was like, “Okay, then why am I thinking I should have that standard for myself?” So I think going back to your question, I’m trying to work on giving my kids explanations. If they have a field trip, I’m going to be like, “Hey, I actually can’t come. I’m really sorry I can’t come, but I need to work that day.” Or on the other side, being like, “Hey, I’m so excited. I’m actually not going to work today, and I’m going to come on your field trip.” But helping them see there’s a trade-off happening That I can’t do it all. And so I need you to see that I can’t do it all. And I don’t want you to think you have to do it all.

It’s so true.

So I don’t know, that’s something I’ve been. I’m working it out in real time right now, but just wanting them to know I can’t do it all, and I hope to God that you don’t believe you need to do it all when you’re the parent.

Well, I feel like we hold ourselves to these standards that aren’t realistic. I mean, that’s a great way to bring it back to reality of, wait, I don’t want my daughters to feel like this is how they have to live. I need to set the example for them now or teach them those things. So that’s a great way to go about doing that. Okay, so let’s move into friendships. What have friendships looked like for you since stepping into motherhood?

I think especially, so my kids, my youngest is three and my oldest is 10. So especially my eight-year-old and my 10-year-old, it’s been so fun to form friendships with their friends’ parents.That’s just such a new phase where it’s not like you meet someone at the playground and then you’re trying to make your kids friends, but more your kids are friends and then you’re like, we actually get along with these parents.

Totally.

So between that and then proximity right now, so our neighborhood is so important to us. I don’t think we’ll ever be able to move because unfortunately we love our neighbors. I agree. And that has felt. There’s multiple friends that I still love dearly, but we just don’t hang out, and it is a hundred percent just geography. Totally. I love you, you love me, but your kids, we’re 40 minutes apart. Our kids are both in school. I don’t think there’s any hard feelings there. I think it’s just like – The reality. You’re going to hang out with the people that you can get to within a mile, and I’m kind of doing the same. So that has been fun though to meet friends that I don’t think I would’ve known aside from my kids.

Yeah, I agree. We’re sort of starting in that. Collins was in kindergarten last year. She’ll be in first grade and Hazel will be in kindergarten this year. And both of them, they have a few little buddies that we’ll talk about a lot more, and then they’ll be like, “Can we please do a play date?” And then I find myself being really connecting with the mom. I’m like, “This is so cool that our children are the ones that brought us together and then we can continue that friendship.” I don’t know. I guess I always thought it would be like, oh, well, I’ll be friends with my friends and our kids will just force me friends. And there is some of that, but I think there’s also opportunity for more friends and just coming at a different way and by way of differend life.

Yes.

How do you handle feeling left out?

I kind of write this in the book. I try really hard not to take it personally. Kind of going back to what we were just saying, I think a lot of being left out right now is probably due to just location and ease. I’m going to hang out with the people in my neighborhood and somebody might have a 40th birthday party and I’m just not invited. And I just try and think, “You know what? I don’t know if I’m one of their top 20 friends.”

And that’s okay.

That’s okay. If I had my 40th, would I have invited them? Just trying to walk it a little bit and be like. And it’s funny because I think it’s mostly an ego thing. I do not want to be invited to all the parties because I don’t want to go. I just want to be home.

I like being home.

But my ego does. It’s like my ego is like, I want everybody to like me. I want everybody to think we have to have Kate here. The party will not be fun if Kate is not here, which is so funny and so horrible to say out loud. But I want that level of love. But I think when I’m like, “You know what? It’s healthy for me not to always be invited.”

Totally.

And so that doesn’t speak probably to anybody who’s in a deep phase of really feeling left out. And I know that that can be so painful. So I guess to anyone listening who’s like, “I just don’t feel like I have friends or it feels really painful.” One, I think spiritually, I think that God really can meet you when you are feeling that level of loneliness and asking for friends and maybe you find him at the playground. And I think too, something I write about, I know I keep saying I write about it, but it took a long time, so there’s a lot in it.

We’re talking about it.

But I think sometimes we believe that we need more friends, but what we actually just want is just to feel like somebody knows us. And so I think when you’re feeling lonely, it can be healthy to be like, “Who’s one person that I could call that knows me and I can talk to that person?” Or, “God, give me one friend in this town. I don’t need 10. Just give me one friend that I could meet at the playground or whatever.” I remember, I think my closest friends in that season I met at the park. And we’re still friends, but we met at the playground. And one girl, I bought her chairs off Facebook Marketplace, and it was in the process of buying her chairs. I was like, “I think we could be friends.” Kind of creepy. But then we saw each other at the park and I was like, “I bought your chairs.”

This is a sign. This is a sign.

And she’s like, “You did.” And then we exchanged numbers and –

Yeah. It wasn’t weird anymore. Yeah.

Yes.

That’s funny. Okay. I have some rapid fire questions for you. Okay. Biggest mom hack for pool days.

I’ve shared this one on Instagram a couple times, but we just put the two popsicles into a Yeti and you close it and it’ll keep them cold.

Okay. That’s actually so smart.

Yeah. And especially if you put the Yeti in the freezer for a few minutes, but you don’t even have to. If you just put a bunch of the Popsicles into one of those and close it, it’ll keep them frozen for a good long time.

That’s a great idea.

So then you’re bringing Popsicles to the pool.

I love that. Okay. Go-to summer meal that the whole family actually eats.

Well, that whole family actually eats part is always the kicker. I mean, we have four kids and it is killing me. So funny enough, I said pick your sandwich night because I’m like, everybody can pick a sandwich. Everyone can make a sandwich. You can even pick your bread if you want to. And I’m like, you know what? We’re not eating sandwiches for lunch because it’s not the school year. So sandwiches for dinner is a nice thing we’re doing. I would say that. And then the other food that everyone is eating right now is chicken sausage.

Yes.

So I mean eventually I’m going to burn it out and no one’s going to be able to look at it for six months.

Honestly, that’s kind of where I am. I loved chicken sausage, gave it a really good run. And then it got to a point where I’m like, no, that’s just going to be a no for me.

I’m going to do it. I’m sure. I’m going to scar them. But right now you can use that chicken sausage.

It’s so easy to make.

I know. I know.

Yeah.

It’s so good. And then every time I end up just putting turkey and some fruit and crackers on a plate, I’m like, why am I making it harder than this chicken?

Literally. A kid’s charcuterie with just a bunch of random things. I know. I’m like, that’s what I want to eat for dinner. Yeah. This is a great idea for all of us involved.

Yes. Yes.

I know. I think in the summer, sometimes I’m just like, I don’t care. You want ice cream tonight? Sure. Have a cheese stick and an apple first. Okay?

Whatever.

Go swimming. I don’t care.

I know. And I’m like, I do that. I’ll be like, you know what? I’m having a bowl of ice cream.

Yeah. I know. And I feel like though, those are the memories that the kids are going to be like, remember that one time you’ve let us eat ice cream for dinner?

Yes.

And they’re like, I’m pretty cool.

I am super cool. Super cool.

Okay. What is one thing that you’re loving right now? Just anything, a book, a product, whatever.

I said we are currently pulling out all of our games and playing games with the kids. And it’s fun because we played, I love the game Monopoly Deal. Love it. But we had given John Robert Monopoly Go for his birthday. And we played it yesterday and we were all like, “This is not that great.” And so it was like, okay, we don’t need to keep Monopoly Go. But it’s gotten me on this like, okay, why don’t we try and play all the games in the cabinet and just decide which ones we actually –

See which we like.

Or which ones are missing 15 pieces and why do we even have it? But the kids are great, especially the big three are great ages for playing games. And it is what I like to refer to as Charleston winter right now, which is like it is depressingly hot outside. And come January, we’ll be outside. January, February, we’re going to love it. But July and August are so oppressive that sometimes you just have to be like, “We’re going to sit inside and play a board game.This is our winter.” And when I embrace that, I’m like, “We’re just inside.” So this is our winter acceptable. Yeah, is board games.

I think one of the hottest I’ve ever been in my entire life was a summer in Charleston. It was this day, I was shooting outfits, and I was sweating from pores I didn’t even know sweat could come out of. It was so hot. And I’m like, how do people do this?

It is so hot. It really is. And I kind of think it’s like when fall comes for people that live where it gets cold, they want to enjoy the fall, but they’re also like, “Oh no, winter is coming.” And in spring, I’m kind of like, “I want to enjoy the spring,” but I’m like, “Summer is coming.” Winter is like, we are loving the fall. We don’t even get it. It’s like we’re praying for cold weather in December, but the heat is so hard. It is killer.

Yeah, that was an interesting experience.

Yeah, I believe it.

Okay. Well, we’re going to wrap this up. I end all of my podcasts with a question. What is the most meaningful act of kindness that somebody has extended to you that has had a lasting impact on your life?

Well, a very practical is early on in my Instagram, accounts that were much larger than mine would randomly tell people to follow me, which as a small account was a really. It definitely had an impact on my life just because it really helped make NapTimeKitchen what it is. And then the other one is it’s smaller. It’s a smaller kindness thing, but I think it’s rewiring something in my brain. There’s a friend of mine in the neighborhood and we just pass food back and forth, just single servings. So the other day I meal prepped a spinach and mushroom breakfast casserole and some Thai peanut noodles. And I just gave her one serving of each of those. It’s not for her family. It’s just for one day for lunch, she’s going to have a really good lunch. And likewise, if she makes something, she just gives me one serving of it. And it has been so fun and kind of enjoyable because I get one serving of something really good that I didn’t have to cook at all. And it’s just been, I think it’s been thinking the lasting impact part is it’s been rewiring me to sometimes all I need to do is a little bit. I don’t have to do this grandiose thing constantly. This one small single serving Tupperware is really filling my cup.

Totally.

And I think if I had to make a meal for her whole family, it would never happen. It’s just like, no, I’m just giving her one slice of the breakfast casserole and she’s giving me. She brought me one little chocolate peanut butter tort the other day. It was so enjoyable. And there’s just something about, okay, sometimes smaller is better or smaller is more doable and more doable is better that I’ve just been thinking, I’m asking myself, how does that translate into other areas of my life?

But then that’s such a special thing that you guys have. And then it’s like you’re probably. Sometimes when I drink a cup of coffee, I’m like, “This just feels like a hug. This is just what I needed.” And it’s like when you eat the treat or eat the lunch that she gave you, it’s kind of her way of giving you a hug and just being like, “I see you. You don’t have to cook your own lunch today. You’re having this.”

Yes.

So I just feel like there’s just something happy within that.

Yeah, it really has. It’s been a fun little trade.

I love that. Okay. Well, Kate, tell our listeners where they can find you on Instagram.

Yes, I am NapTimeKitchen. All one word. Easy

NapTimeKitchen. And is your book out right now or is it coming out? What is the release date?

It comes out on August 26th.

Okay,

Perfect. Tuesday, August 26th.

Okay, great. I’m so excited. It’s going to be. Is it up for pre-order right now?

Yes, it is up for pre-order. Yes, please pre-order it. Pre-order 25 copies if you’re willing. Just kidding. But yes, it is up for pre-order. There’s an audiobook version. I record the audiobook.

You did?

I did.

Oh my gosh. What was that like?

Oh my gosh, it was a beast. I think what I didn’t realize is, so I could talk all day long. My parents would tell you it’s hard to get me to shut up. But when you’re recording an audiobook, it needs to be word perfect. And so when you’re doing it, there’s a person on the other side of the wall, and when you mess up, they stop you. And they’re like, oh, the sentence said you had a lot of friends and you said many friends. And your brain, especially if you wrote it, it’s like my brain kept wanting to switch tiny little things, but they stop you and make you go back and make you go back and make you go back. So in the first chapter, I almost had a panic attack because I was like, “Oh my gosh, I have 10 chapters.” And then eventually you kind of get into a group. But it was like a beat, and you’re in this tiny little sound recording booth because it’s got to be good sound. It was hard. People are not talking enough about how hard audiobook recording is.

Okay. So next week I’m interviewing Julia Whalen, who is an audible narrator. She’s read so many books, some of my favorite books, and so I was super excited. But I’ve interviewed a few people this season so far who are authors like you and another who is a doctor. And she also read her audiobook and she said the same thing. It is so hard. So now I’m like, “I got to interview somebody who does this for a career because this is crazy.”

I will be dying to hear what she has to say. And maybe you just get really good at it. And maybe if it’s not your writing, that makes it different. Yeah, that’s true. But I just felt like just this, and it’s like, “What am I going to do now? Change the words? It’s too late now.” But you get into this groove and you’re just talking, and then you just kind of throw in a word and they’re like, “No, that word’s not in the book.”

Yeah, it was rough. Well, I’m excited for all of your hard work of writing and recording to be out in the world in about six or eight weeks, right?

Yeah.

Yeah. That’s crazy. So exciting. Well, Kate, this has been so much fun. Thank you for coming on the show

Today. Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. I had a great time.

Yeah, this has been awesome. And I’m going to leave lots of information in the show notes for our listeners, so make sure to check there to get some direct links so you can follow along with Kate, and we will talk to you next time. Hi, friend. If you’re loving the show, will you go find that follow button on your podcast app? This will ensure that you won’t miss a single episode. I love having you in this community. Until next time. This season of Life with Loverly is produced by Elizabeth Evans Media Productions.